Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Turkey and Dressing and Pie! OH MY!!!!

There are times in life when I think we will ourselves to believe in our success and talk ourselves into believing we are doing well at a specific job, goal, relationship, or whatever. When in reality we are really screwing up!

Think about this for a second.

I want you to pick one instance in your life, something you really thought you had in the bag, so to speak. Maybe it was a certain test in college that you had convinced yourself that you had studied enough to ACE. Maybe it was a task you had been given to do at work that you just knew you had nailed it on the head. Possibly a relationship when you were younger that you felt you were doing everything right and this was the one!

Now the twist.

I want you to think of all of those instances and then remember the ones that caught you off guard. One that when the bell rang, or the time had come to put up or shut up, you sucked! You failed miserably, or your girlfriend broke up with you just as you were about to ask her to the prom.

It was mind blowing to you right? It was unexpected. You had studied hard, you drank your 2 liter of Mountain Dew and pulled an all-nighter but, you still did poorly on that test.

Or, you did the research; you put together the power-point presentation of the year with indisputable support, but your boss didn’t get it.

How does this happen? How can we feel so good about something that is going so wrong?

I went to Cincinnati Oh, for 3 weeks over the holidays. I made a commitment to train HARD. I dedicated myself to exercise. I focused on my weaknesses.

I packed my trainer and 4 spinervals DVDs. I bought a good pair of winter running shoes. Amanda gave me my Christmas present early, a Garmin, Forerunner 301. I was ready to go!!!!!!

I did, I worked my can off. I ran and biked more in 4 weeks than I did over half of the race season. I ran consecutive 4 and 6 miles, which I haven’t done since I was in the Army. I hit the trainer hard. I was doing two-a-days. I would ride the trainer in the morning and run in the afternoon.

There were days when it was snowing or icing with 10 degree weather and I was out there with purple knees and all, running.

I was feeling great! I was doing it!

I was the king of the triathlon training world!!!

I couldn’t wait to get back to Baton Rouge, head out to the River Road loop we ride here and burn it up!!! I have never run the lakes around the LSU campus here out of fear and self deprecation. But, not now baby! I was heading home to tackle those lakes and show off my new skillz!

Could 9 baby! PUMPED!!! Ready to Rock and Roll!!!! Don’t get in my way, cause you might get runt over!!!!!!!!!! Woo Hoo!!

Then . . .

It was late. I had been driving all day from Cincinnati, Ohio. I had been in my Excursion for 11 hours. I was tired. The traffic was a little annoying, but not too bad. I was just focusing. I was thinking about riding with the bigboys around River Road and maybe even staying with them for 5 or 6 miles before they dropped me. I was dreaming big!!!

I arrived home in Baton Rouge sometime around 1:30 AM. Monday the 2nd.

Home . . .

I went to bed directly and slept like a log.

When I woke I had the urge to see how well I had done with my weight while I was in Cincinnati. I knew I must have done well, I had gone off my eating regiment, but with all of that working out and training, I was good as gold. It is hard to weigh yourself when you weigh more than 350 lbs. most every scale only weighs up to 280 lbs. and the doctors office scales only go to 350 lbs. I had to order one to weigh myself.

I mosey on over to “my room” that holds my bikes, and training gear as well as the scale. I was so confident, I didn’t even strip down as I normally do. Nope, not this guy! I left the short, T-shirt, Birkenstocks, and even glasses on.

When I left Baton Rouge in early December, I weighed in at 364 lbs. As many of you know, my highest weight was 411 lbs. and my weight when I began to train in May of 05 was 405 lbs.

As the digital screen on the scale flipped around I had a big smile on my face.

When it stopped . . . I didn’t.

385 lbs. 385 LBS. 385 POUNDS three hundred and eighty-five pounds.

What happened?
That is all I could muster up in my brain. What did I do?

I gained over 20 lbs.

I stood there, in shock, mouth open, and hand on my forehead for a second. Then I began to reflect.

Do this with me now.

Remember those individual instances I asked you to think about? Let’s think about them again.

Did we do the best we could in each of those instances? Did we study enough, or properly? Did we go in the correct direction with our business proposal? Were we really doing the right things in our relationship to keep it strong?

Answer?

In my case, no. I didn’t do it right. I know that and I think I knew it all along.

I stayed with a very good friend who drinks sodas. I drank sodas. It was the holidays and I love to cook. I cooked and I ate, much more than I should have. I went to football games and I drank my share and your share of beer.

While I was pushing it hard with my training and I did work hard, however I was destroying that hard work with my really bad nutrition. In my mind I was telling myself it was OK because I was working out so hard, but in reality I was not looking at the fact or I was conveniently avoiding the negative issues that were going on and only celebrating the positive. I think that is normal, but I think we must recognize it and handle it.

Did you find or do you find this happening to you?

Do you focus on the positive and discard or ignore the not so positive? Do you get really excited about your successes and avoid your crutches?

It is ok if you do. I just shared mine with you and I think I do this more than the average Dick or Jane. What I have learned after reflecting on this for the past 48 hours is that I need to recognize all of the influences and effects of my actions, good and bad. I need to focus as much, if not more on my negative functions as I do my positive ones.

In order for us to be successful with this life change for health we can’t forget the whole picture. While it is good to celebrate our success in certain areas, we must keep an eye on our downfalls as well.

The big picture.
I am proud of all of us. Skinny or fat, if you are working on yourself, you are a hero in my book.

Keep your head up and your body moving.

I have learned a lot in the past few days, I hope I can take that knowledge and cultivate it into success with my health.

Until next time,

Ciao!

3 comments:

azylermc said...

yeah. we should be proud, either way!

Anonymous said...

Take the time to keep a journal of what you're eating. If you do that you won't fool yourself, and you'll lose that weight. Keep on trying.

Janet said...

I have struggled with my weight since puberty. A lot of our family does.
In college (many moons ago) I stuck to a low-fat diet of less than 1200 calories a day and worked out at least 5 days a week for over a year. I did not lose a pound. And no, I didn't gain muscle that weighed more than fat. I looked exactly the same - no fitter, leaner or tauter.
Did I do something wrong? I don't know. But I have learned that sometimes you have to buck CW and find what works.
You go Christopher!! It is always a constant struggle and will always have ups and downs - we just do the best we can. All my love...