When I left college I was no skinny man. I was about 245lbs. I was in very good shape since I was a student assistant coach for our National Champion Women’s Basketball team at Northern Kentucky University. My job as one of the Assistant Coaches was to let these super human women beat my butt in practice all day long. But it kept me fit.
After leaving college my business took me over and then a few years later the stock market recession of 2001-2002 took me over and before you knew it I was 350lbs. As my business expanded so did my waist . . . and my ass . . . and . . . never mind there is too much to list.
I found triathlon. I trained and did my first tri at 421lbs, which was in 2005. Between 2005 and November 2006 I completed over 25 triathlons. 10 of them being Olympic distance and the rest sprint triathlons. Over that time I went from 427lbs to 358lbs.
I created awesome relationships with awesome individuals, some who are the best at this sport and I couldn’t believe they gave me the time of day. But that to me is what makes this sport unique. The offerings of motivation from so many was spectacular. Not simply words of encouragement but true offerings to help with training, nutrition, etc.
Here is my sadness today. I fell off the wagon Dec 2006. I began to eat horribly again and I stopped training period. I have not put on my running shoes in 5 months. I have ridden my bike . . . MAYBE five times. I haven’t seen the pool. I weigh 446lbs.
I have been lying to myself and to those who have taken time out of their lives to try and help me and I have basically spit in their face with my lack of effort. I am ashamed and embarrassed. I have stopped emailing those who have helped me and I avoid them at all cost. I am ashamed to have them see me and how I look today. I am embarrassed to tell them I have done NOTHING for five months.
It is funny, not in a ha ha way, but in a translucent sick way (funny), that when we fall into a little hole we begin to dig deeper and deeper until it is so hard to get out of the hole that we don’t even try anymore. I am there and have been for a while.
To my friends, Caroline, Timbeaux, Rocketboy . . . I am sorry I have taken you motivation and shat all over it. I am angry at myself for thinking so little of your support and care. I am struggling and I am not sure what is next.
I have an appointment with the gastric-by-pass specialist here in Baton Rouge next week. I am at my wits end. I always said I would never do weight loss surgery. I said it was for weak people. You know what . . . I still think that.
I am registered for 3 races this year. Crawfishman (Olympic tri), Gulf Coast (Half Ironman), and Ironman Florida (full ironman). I am not sure what will become of those races?
I am sorry.
I am just sorry.
I have much love for all you and I will keep you posted as to where I go from here . . .