In my triathlon club here in Baton Rouge I have recently made that realization and it was difficult to get there. In triathlon you don’t have too many 400 pounders! (I crack myself up) Therefore it is difficult for many in this sport to understand how I have let myself get to this point, BUT even more, it is difficult for them to understand why I can’t simply “fix” It.
I also learned that my past means diddly squat. All of the accomplishments mean nothing when I am in the state I am today. After taking in all of the responses to my blog post I actually feel more ashamed and feel I have dishonored my service and my military accomplishments by letting myself fall into the state I am today.
It took a few harsh responses on our BRtri blog for me to absorb that and begin to get pissed at myself AGAIN but this time for dishonoring my accomplishments and the Tab.
They show this in different ways. Some may not care about you or your struggle, but the care about the situation you are in and it might not me thoughtful care. What I mean is, care doesn’t necessarily mean concern it can also mean they care that they believe you are a piece of crap and lazy and they want everyone else to think the same, but YOU CAN ALSO CHOOSE T MAKE THAT MOTIVATIONAL.
I am no longer going to post my link on the BRtri forum. I am ONLY doing this because I enjoy little controversy about me. I like being in the back of the room. I am more inclined to b the kids are to be seen not heard, type. I know this may come as a surprise to many of you, but it is the truth. More than not the only time you will see me making a spectacle is when I am cheering for others or really pissed off. I prefer to cheer.
I met with a really awesome person, Chris last night at Starbucks. Amanda and I were excited to meet with Chris. Chris has a remarkable story and I am so inspired by his accomplishments. Among MANY issues he dealt with in his life one was his weight. We had a open, clear, and honest conversation. Chris once weighed over 350 pounds.
Let me be clear here . . . . I AM NOT LOOKING FOR YOUR SYMPATHY OR YOUR PITTY.
I am endeared to Chris. He made comments that allowed me to feel that I am not the only one. I am not alone. He spoke of his embarrassment in not being able to sit in a movie theater since he was too big for the seats. The fear of breaking a chair in a restaurant EVERYTIME he sat down, and other personal issues that came along with his obesity.
I was emotional hearing all of that and realizing that sitting in front of me was me, only the new me. Chris now weighs about 240 pounds ( I don’t remember exactly) and he looks GREAT and I can feel his now self and his new inner strength. I am so happy and proud of Chris.
After 45 minutes of talking and seeing old photos and Amanda also asking questions I left starbucks highly determined and motivated, but more than both of those, I had a sense of hope. Chris helped me find my hope again.
I don’t care if you think that is cheezey of soft. I found my hope and I am not letting it go.
To all of my BRtri peeps, you rock and I am better as a result of being in your crowd. For my friends here on the blog, thanks and let’s keep up the fight.
Find the hope.