Saturday, August 06, 2005


Many of you will empathize with me while reading this post. Some of you will sympathize with me, but a few of you will be completely perplexed by this post.

Today I am angry. Yesterday I was angry. This past week I’ve been angry. Angry at myself. I have been in a “rut” concerning my new healthy living enterprise. I made a commitment to myself to become healthy. I committed to exercise, healthy eating, and a new attitude. This past week I failed at each of them. Not just one, two but all three.

I ate very unhealthily, I ate too much, I exercised ONE day, and on top of it all I lost my edge. My edge has been my attitude. There have been days when I have fallen off my wagon and eaten more than I should have or eaten the wrong items for my diet. There have been several days in a row where I have neglected my exercise. I paid the price in a race but, the one thing that didn’t waiver under any circumstance was my attitude. I had a resolve about myself, a mission, a map, determination, and on and on; I called it my healthy attitude. This attitude is what got me up in the morning to run, swim, or bike. This attitude made me think about what I was ordering at a restaurant. This attitude made me drive by Popeye’s fried chicken at 9:00 at night. I am unstoppable with that attitude and it didn’t let me down . . . Until last week.

Losing weight has been the most difficult challenge in my life. I have had difficult challenges, but my weight and health have beaten me down at each confrontation. At times I am afraid of what will happen once I have controlled my weight and reached my goals of set for my health? What will I do? Really? What will I do? If I spend this much time focused on my weight, what will I do with all of that time once I have taken care of it?

I know one thing. I won’t be angry anymore.

You know what the most difficult part of being angry at me is? I want to eat.



Am I punishing myself? It really doesn’t make me feel better. I don’t think of it as comfort. Or maybe I do?


My attitude keeps me focused. When I lost that last week, things went really wrong. I am going to spend today getting that attitude back. I am going to reevaluate my goals. I will, again, write down what I am not going to eat, for example, fast food, fried foods, etc. I am going to examine my training and look at the goals I have set physically.

I am going to pray.

I am going to re-focus and regain that attitude of health and success with this incredible pain I am creating for myself.

Please pray for me and think positive thoughts for me. I will succeed and I will complete my goals, but more importantly I will live to see my children that I will have one day, raise their children.

Thank you all for listening. Thank you for your support. Thank you.

Now, I need to go re-focus.


Janipani said...

Hey Chris - NEVER, EVER give up!


Robin Diamond said...

Re: "Angry Man" write up - glad you got that out of your system. Now stop beating yourself up (or rather down) and turn that anger and frustration back around into that great positive attitude you are becoming known for in our little br-tri world. You've taken a step sideways and now it is time to get back in line. Remember why you are doing this Chris- not only for yourself but for that very loving supportive wife you have, for that family you brag so much about and for the future family you and Amanda are wanting to create. They all love you and would really like for you to hang around for many many more years. I say this because in the last month I have recently gone thru the scare of my life with my Dad. He recently had to undergo surgery for a tear in his stomach (lifting something he shouldn't have - in addition to his own extra 160 lbs). Well while the docs were in there - they discovered the very early stages of colon cancer. They were able to remove it while in there and so far all tests are coming back negative and looking like he is cancer free (he still has to go thru 6 mo. of chemo for some "house cleaning"). As I was doing some research - I have discovered that there are SOOO many cancers that can be prevented purely by your diet and healthy lifestyle. Don't go thru the wake up call my Dad is having to go thru. Take control of your health now while you are young and still have so much to look forward too.

My last comment - you said you are afraid of what will happen once you have controlled your weight and reached your goal - first off it is great that you are seeing this "problem" in your future - but are you kidding me???? The answer is EVERYTHING!!!! Your only problem is going to be fitting it all in between traveling across the U.S. signing autographs and promoting your book - a compilation of short stories by the "tri-ing fat man"!!

I know you don't know me - so hope you don't take offense to anything I might say. But - hey you opened yourself up to us so here we are - NOW STEP BACK IN LINE!!!!!........and have a great week!! : )

cadreamer said...

I read your RR about the tri, and I want you to know that it was pretty much a mirror of my last tri in Aug/04. I was last, they picked up behind me, and yes, my bike was the only one left in transition when I got back, and yes, I too did not get any post race festivities although one kind soul saved me a Red Bull. I do not wish anyone to be in this situation I am in, but somehow, it makes me feel better to know that there is someone else who feels what I feel, and understands EXACTLY what I am going through.

I too, am carrying around an extra person with me. Not a 200 lb person admittedly, but over 100 lb person for sure.

I hear your anger, cause it's so much like mine. Why do I keep falling off this wagon when it's what I need to do for myself most, and I know it? Weight holds me back physically from many things I want to do.

A thought though - you are already figuring out what you'll do without the weight, you are already starting to live the life you want.

tri-ing fatman said...


I do feel your pain. Now let's kick it in the butt together!

We are doing somthing that most people, even healthy ones, do not attempt to do.

I am proud of you.

You said your last in Aug. 04, when is your next race??

My friend Mike and I, who is a fatman too, are trying to pick a race next year that we flood with fat people!!!!!!

Check my blog and I will let you know which one we select and I hope you'll race with us fatties! All the skinny people won't know what happened!! I love em!

Keep working at it. That is all we can do. If we trip and fall in the hallway at work, we don't just sty there all day do we? No! We get back up, embarrassed at times, but we get back up and we continue on.

I am in your corner!