Many of you will empathize with me while reading this post. Some of you will sympathize with me, but a few of you will be completely perplexed by this post.
Today I am angry. Yesterday I was angry. This past week I’ve been angry. Angry at myself. I have been in a “rut” concerning my new healthy living enterprise. I made a commitment to myself to become healthy. I committed to exercise, healthy eating, and a new attitude. This past week I failed at each of them. Not just one, two but all three.
I ate very unhealthily, I ate too much, I exercised ONE day, and on top of it all I lost my edge. My edge has been my attitude. There have been days when I have fallen off my wagon and eaten more than I should have or eaten the wrong items for my diet. There have been several days in a row where I have neglected my exercise. I paid the price in a race but, the one thing that didn’t waiver under any circumstance was my attitude. I had a resolve about myself, a mission, a map, determination, and on and on; I called it my healthy attitude. This attitude is what got me up in the morning to run, swim, or bike. This attitude made me think about what I was ordering at a restaurant. This attitude made me drive by Popeye’s fried chicken at 9:00 at night. I am unstoppable with that attitude and it didn’t let me down . . . Until last week.
Losing weight has been the most difficult challenge in my life. I have had difficult challenges, but my weight and health have beaten me down at each confrontation. At times I am afraid of what will happen once I have controlled my weight and reached my goals of set for my health? What will I do? Really? What will I do? If I spend this much time focused on my weight, what will I do with all of that time once I have taken care of it?
I know one thing. I won’t be angry anymore.
You know what the most difficult part of being angry at me is? I want to eat.
I WANT TO EAT AND EAT AND EAT!
Am I punishing myself? It really doesn’t make me feel better. I don’t think of it as comfort. Or maybe I do?
My attitude keeps me focused. When I lost that last week, things went really wrong. I am going to spend today getting that attitude back. I am going to reevaluate my goals. I will, again, write down what I am not going to eat, for example, fast food, fried foods, etc. I am going to examine my training and look at the goals I have set physically.
I am going to pray.
I am going to re-focus and regain that attitude of health and success with this incredible pain I am creating for myself.
Please pray for me and think positive thoughts for me. I will succeed and I will complete my goals, but more importantly I will live to see my children that I will have one day, raise their children.
Thank you all for listening. Thank you for your support. Thank you.
Now, I need to go re-focus.